Pinterest Fails (Chocolate Cupcake Pumpkins)

Hello, everybody!  The Fresh Pioneer is back and I've got some very cool projects here! We'll take it step by step. Ready? GOOD!

Get some pumpkins.

 

Drill some holes. Light some candles.

See? Totally easy!!!

Honestly, I love Pinterest but it drives me slightly batty. (harhar, get it?) Everything looks SO easy. And then.... reality.

How about PUMKIN CAKES??

 

So, I saw these cute little things.  Instructions and everything included, and I already had the ramekins. You know I love those little ceramic dishes. TOO FUN.

 So, we started with a mix. Note small children stirring the goop. Wheeeeee!

 

 

 Place goop in greased, floured ramekin until half full. Put it in the oven for 18-20 minutes. They're like giant cupcakes. You can check at 15, but mine were still raw in the center.

 Mix orange frosting. This may be where I started to go wrong.

 And green frosting. This one turned out better.

 My friend gave me these. Aren't they hilarious?? Salt and pepper shakers... Pillsbury style.

 She also had this awesome Pyrex bowl. I saw it on her porch, filled with water for her dog. I tactfully suggested she take that gorgeous piece of vintage cookware and put it in the kitchen. Ok, maybe not so tactfully. I might have been sobbing in distress. Anyway, my friend decided I should be the new owner of the dog bowl... I mean, vintage Pyrex (Amish butter press pattern). She also makes home made biscotti. She filled the bowl with it (AFTER washing it, in case you think she was getting revenge) and handed the whole kit and caboodle to me. *thrill*

 So, back to the mini pumpkin cakes.

 Slice the round parts off so it sits nicely.

 Uhhhhhhhh. I poured the frosting on.... And dripped on a bit of green for the top.

 At this point my kids are howling with laughter. We couldn't even think of anything it COULD have been... It's all starting to remind me of last year when I tried to make a fancy cake and it turned into the Frankencake. In case you need a refresher of that disaster, it's here.
So, it obviously wasn't working and I had no idea how to salvage it. Some say that cake is only a vehicle for the frosting.

Hm. What if.... we made a backwards cupcake? An anti-cupcake? An inverted cupcake? A.... puddle of frosting with cake on it?

So, this is what we ended up with and it was a huge hit! I love kids. They're so thrilled with anything. No matter how really odd it is. As long as it's chocolate cake with a fun color of frosting, they don't really care how it gets to them. It was pretty messy and I was glad no one actually tried to drink the frosting out of the bottom of the plate, but all in all, it will go down in our family history as yet another EXCITING fall craft.

 Until next time!

Pumpkin Roll Almost Fail

 

I have some lovely pictures of my week's kitchen activities. Brace yourselves. It's gonna get ugly.

First up, we have mini lasagnas. Mmmmmm. What could go wrong?? I may possibly, just possibly, have added the salt twice. Or three times. Not sure what happened. Unless I can blame a toddler, it was salty enough to choke a horse. I have a suspicion that I was tired, spacey from writing into the wee hours and thought I hadn't added the salt to the simmering sauce so added it again. And again.

Anyway, looks delicious, but was inedible.

"Punk your family with this lasagna! Can be used as salt lick."

 

Next I decided to make oyster stew. I've had oyster stew maybe 5 times in my life and I have great memories of a big pot of it steaming away on the stove, filling the house with an amazing smell of seafood and herbs.

I called my dad for the recipe and he said something along the lines of "milk, butter, herbs, onion, and oysters". Not very exact, but I was sure I could handle it.

Half an onion

one cube butter

4 small jars of oysters

1 tsp garlic

1 tsp thyme

1 tsp oregano

Wow! It smelled delicious! It was just like I remembered it!!

And then I walked away.

And it burned in about 2 seconds.

Burnt oyster stew smell is THE WORST. And tastes like charred cheese. *gag*

I declared it a kitchen fail an offered it to the cats.

No go. Apparently, cats are pickier than we thought.

Then I had an idea to try a grasshopper cake. I made a chocolate cake mix and mixed whipped fresh cream topping, lightly flavored with mint extract and a few drops of green food coloring.

Honestly, this was delicious. But it looks NOTHING like the picture. This was going to be a blog post, but I'm sure you all get tired of trying to create the impossible. I know I do.

 

I waited until it was cool and everything, but somehow their grasshopper cake with the tidy mint leaf morphed into unidentifiable cake mass.

Finally, Edna took the situation in hand/beater.

We had leftover pumpkin in the pantry and she said we should try a jelly roll type cake. That sounded really, really impossibly difficult. If I can't make a cupcake, then I certainly can't roll up a cake. But she insisted. So... we started, even though I didn't have a jellyroll pan.

Preheat oven to 375F

Combine:

3/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon salt

Beat eggs and sugar, then pumpkin in a bowl.

3 large eggs

1 cup granulated sugar

2/3 cup pure pumpkin

ADD flour mix and beat well. Pour into a wax paper lined pan. (Edna says not everybody has a jelly roll pan.)

BAKE 13-15 minutes

 

Meanwhile, sample interesting dinners prepared by small children. Here we have chopped baby carrots, six almonds, 1/2 cup cheerios, and a 1/2 cup of stale candy corn. Very colorful!

When the cake comes out of the oven, immediately flip over onto plate and peel off the wax paper. Sprinkle powder sugar on a clean, light dishtowel. Roll it up carefully and let it cool.

After it's cool, layer on the filling.

1 pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese, at room temperature

1 cup powdered sugar, sifted

6 tablespoons butter or margarine, softened

1 teaspoon maple extract

Reroll the cake, making sure to eat any filling that drips out the sides. Wrap in plastic wrap and cool in the fridge for two hours.

Ta-dah! Much better than salty lasagna, burned oyster stew, or even the leaning tower of chocolate cake.

It was a bit dense, but everybody really liked it. It wasn't exactly a Spring dish, but we'll start on those next week.

Here's a picture of Spring around my house:

The cherry trees are in bloom!! Hooray!! That means delicious fresh fruit very soon. Mmmmm. And if you'd like to see more pictures from where I live, or would like to participate in our new facebook group, join our FOUR MILE PROJECT here. My girls were wondering what it's like where our facebook friends live. We've had some very incredible photos uploaded from all corners of the world... and always within four miles of the home of the poster. Come check it out!

 Until next time, take care my friends!

 

 



Chocolate Waffle Turtle Cookies

Hi everyone! I'm going to be completely honest and show you all the failure behind the beautiful pictures.

 

Oh, and as always, that picture above is the TEASER. There's no way on this side of heaven that I will ever be able to make something that gorgeous without lots and lots of help... and prayer... and some intensive training in a Parisian patisserie.
Since that's not happening anytime soon, I thought I'd share the failures that go into a pretty little blog post from The Fresh Pioneer.

 

NB: Dear Edna takes no responsibility for any portion of the 'fail' part. She is, as always, perfection!
I know you're thinking, "Waitaminute! The regular pictures weren't the failure? There's MORE?"

*ahem* Yes, the finished product is usually the result of a bit of slight-of-hand and a lot of they-can't-taste-it-so-it's-fine.
Now, a few weeks ago Julie sent me a link to a funny pictorial list of Pinterest fails.

Pinterest Fails... Do not drink coffee while reading.

  I laughed. A LOT. And LOUDLY. Because I am the queen of "that looks so easy" and "I bet I can do that".
  I like to think I'm a pessimist in general. But I admit I'm an absolute dreamer when it comes to food and crafts.
                                                   
See, I'm thinking this doesn't look so hard! I can DO THAT.
So, let's start on today's recipe. My sister makes the most incredible fudgy chocolate 'turtles'. These are made in the waffle maker, so it can't be that hard, right??
Huh.

Ingredient list:
2 cups flour
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 1/2 cups sugar
 4 eggs
2/3 margarine
1 tsp vanilla

 Mix dry ingredients in a small bowl. Mix all others with the mixer until well-blended, add together.

It looks like brownies. And is the same consistency. Edna was having a good time. :)
After waffle maker is heated, add by spoonfuls to the griddle and close.

Here's the tricky part. If you pry them off too roughly... crumbly FAIL. Still edible, but not pretty.

Take them out too late and... burned FAIL. (Some brave child took a bite but then spit it out. Smelled good. Tasted like charcoal.)

Take them out too soon... raw FAIL. Still edible in our house. Not good for bringing to play dates because nobody likes to risk salmonella poisoning.

Hmmmmm. Taste tester is thinking over this one...

They are approved! Now, on to make the frosting. I found a nice recipe that hasn't failed me yet.
6 tbs butter
6 tbs cocoa
6 tbs canned evaporated milk
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups powder sugar

Mmmmm. Just right. Thank you, Edna!

Ta-DAH!!

The large one in the middle represents the biggest of my daughter's three turtles. Her name is Monster and she's quite vicious. (The turtle, not my daughter. She's a sweetie.) Here is Monster enjoying the sun in the hopes it will improve her little attitude.

Now, if I were less honest, I would have skipped all those fail pictures... Or maybe it's because Edna is peering over my shoulder and snorting every time I post a pretty picture that has left the kitchen in shambles.

(OOOOO, I went looking for a Google pic of a dirty kitchen. *shriek* SCARY STUFF. DO NOT EVRE GOOGLE "DIRTY KITCHENS". *hyperventilates* *starts scrubbing the house*)

I need something pretty now to counteract those other pictures... Quickly!

 

Ahhhh, Better. Anyway, I have to say, I do enjoy a bit of loveliness in the world. Happily-ever-after fiction, or photoshop, or just plain positive thinking makes me a happy girl.

 

So, take moment to enjoy something beautiful! Your heart will thank you.

Until next time!

Of Mice and Men and Cakes

Hello all! The Fresh Pioneer is back and even though we're in the thick of produce heaven. I thought I'd share my recent cake adventure. (Also, I'm hugely competitive and saw Mindy's post on chocolate cake. I just can't let her get away with that kind of thing. So, watch and learn. Nominate your favorite. Winner gets.... cake at midnight with no guilt.)

  Now, I saw this recipe in a cookbook at the library and jotted it down. (Those last three words are important. I have notoriously bad handwriting. And am lazy. And take lots of shortcuts telling myself I'll remember what language I was writing in later, "for sure"!)

 

  It was for a green grasshopper cake. Not the bug, the flavor. 
But with chocolate inside, so maybe sort of like this. But also a bit like this...

(pictures removed so we don't get sued for copyright!)

You get the gist. I had some ingredients and some VAGUE idea of the order and an even vaguer idea of what it was going to look like, except that is was going to be stunning. And everyone would ooh over it and think I should take up professional cake decorating. All my friends would want one for their birthdays, I just knew it!

The recipe called for heavy cream. That should have been my first hint of impending disaster. Heavy cream and lemon juice mixed together in a bowl?? Probably wrote something down wrong but I told myself it would be FINE.

(Side note: the worst thing my husband has ever called me is 'stubborn woman'. Not too bad, eh? But in his conservative culture, being a stubborn woman ranks right down there with psychopathic axe murderer. Now, I've been raised to embrace that stubborn streak. It's got me where I am today! Which is... making this cake.)

Now, I added and mixed and melted chocolate and turned around three times with my arms in the air. It came out of the oven looking like this. SUCCESS!! Of course I celebrated because I KNEW this would be beautiful.

And my first clue was this sad little layer. But hey, it's on the bottom. No one will notice.

Um, you know, a little of that pretty green frosting with peppprmint extract and we still have a chance. I KNOW IT WILL BE AMAZING! So, I mix the frosting with (I think it said this, pretty sure... sort of) more heavy cream, cup of real butter, powdered sugar.

Um. Um, um, um. I'm sweating now. Where is the pretty cake?? Don't panic. THINK. Kids are in the next room, excited to see the work of art. Husband is... I think he gave up and went outside somwhere around the time I couldn't read the instructions, about an hour and a half ago.

So, I have these leftover pieces of the cake when it fell apart. Maybe this? Maybe not. Looks like a gangrenous zombie bear gone bad.

Okay, zombies, scary... Hey, it's close to Hallowe'en! We usually straddle the line somewhere between All Saint's Day (dress as your favorite martyr, the bloodier the better) and avoid those crazy costumes that scare small children. We always have candy for the trick or treaters, carve pumpkins, celebrate the fun holiday, and go to church the next day. So, hey, I'm all over a Hallowe'en cake... in September.

Um, after some hair and eyes and blue pimples...

He needed a mouth! A scary red mouth...

Now, this is why everyone should be surrounded by young children at least once a day. Because whatever you do is AWESOME. He thinks this is wayyyyy better than that other green one with the chocolate shavings. This one has a MOUTH.
  Don't know what I'll do when they're teenagers and can't be distracted by candy eyeballs.
 My oldest daughter looked at it and said, "Hey this reminds me of that poem with the mouse. You know, the one who loses his nest?"

 Ohhhhh, right. Here's the famous part that Steinbeck made more famous.

"But little Mouse, you are not alone,

In proving foresight may be vain:

The best laid schemes of mice and men

Go often awry,

And leave us nothing but grief and pain,

For promised joy!"

 
  If he were here, I'd offer Mr. Burns a bit of this cake. I think he might appreciate the tragedy of it all. He could have a slice with some hair AND some eyeballs. Because we disappointed types have to stick together.


So, go ahead and vote for the one you'd want to see on your table. (Sorry, Mindy, I already know what they're going to say. Who'd want to see that sky-high tower of chocolatey goodness when they could have a cake with HAIR??)